I was digging through some old files from my teenage years recently, and came across something really sweet – pieces of advice that I’d collected from people I looked up to! This wasn’t advice about any particular situation or problem. I think I just wanted to know what words of wisdom they had for me based on their life experiences.
I don’t remember what prompted me to ask people; it’s been more than a decade now. Growing up, whenever I was being mischievous or stubborn, my dad would tell me “Rithvik, you can either learn things theoretically or practically. I have told you theoretically, but if you insist on learning it practically, go ahead.” Perhaps I’d gotten burned enough to realise that I could at least give this theory thing a shot. 😂
One of the people I asked for life advice was my cousin brother, who is some 8 or 9 years older than me. His advice for me was “treat others the way you'd want to be treated yourself”. He had just taken over his father’s business and I remember we were sitting in his office when he told me this. Although it is a common piece of wisdom, the context in which I received it made a difference to how I understood it. I think back to what he said often, especially in my interactions with the people I hire or work with.
Another person I spoke to was a senior from my high school. I knew him from debate club and model UNs, so some of this was contextualised around public speaking. I used to be shit scared of public speaking and looked up to him for how easy he made it seem. He had a lot to share, so I took notes!
If you’re using a screen reader or find my handwriting hard to read:
- Talk every chance you get. (In English)
- Read the newspaper everyday.
- Don't worry who thinks what about you.
- Take a deep breath before anything important.
- Don't set the bar low.
- Don't let anyone mindfuck you. (brainwash)
- If you are happy, then that's what matters.
- When things go wrong, you never have anyone to blame but you.
- Don't shy away from any conversations.
- You'll do fine da, don't worry.Solid advice. In closing, he also told me to keep an eye on virtual reality technology as he was sure it was going to be the next big thing. Well, let’s just say I’m still waiting.
Undoubtedly, the best advice I got was from my dad. He didn’t answer immediately. Instead, he took a day to write down some advice for me on a piece of paper.
1. Expectation is the root cause of disappointment.
2. Humility is the best thing one can have.
3. Don't let anger and jealousy hide your smile.
4. Patience is a virtue.
5. Hasty decisions might cost you dearly.
6. Being fearless is good, but being cautious is better.
7. Ego must go.
8. Happiness is a matter of choice.Reading this back more than a decade later, I see how much of it I have internalised, but it wasn’t always intuitive. With the first piece of advice, for instance - expectation is the root cause of disappointment - I remember being puzzled by it. I couldn’t see myself going about life without expectations just to protect myself from disappointment.
It was only with time that I understood what he meant. He wasn’t telling me to eliminate expectations, but to have realistic expectations for myself and to set realistic expectations with others. I am so much better at my work and personal relationships when I do a good job at this.
Going back to these notes helps me appreciate the importance of mentorship and elders in our lives. It’s something I still seek out, but now I also see other young adults turning to me for it. It’s been interesting playing the part of an elder because I finally relate to my dad - I have told you theoretically, but if you insist on learning it practically, go ahead. 😂
There’s more where this came from, but I’d like to crowdsource this retrospective now. What are some of the best pieces of advice you’ve gotten over the years? 😄 It can be as silly or heartfelt as you’d like.
Send in your dadvice
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“Happiness is your responsibility!”
– Mom -
“People will always talk, you might as well do what you set out to!”
– Dad -
“Having a hard time doing something is a good sign that it's worth doing.”
– Mom -
“Don't work for Assholes, Don't work with Assholes.”
– Erik Spiekermann -
“Sit properly! You won't realise it now but it will start hurting when you grow older.”
– Dad -
“You can lead a horse to the water, but you cannot make it drink. Only you can help yourself”
– Dad -
“Relationships are like plants. They die if you don't nurture them”
– Mom -
“Sit with your emotions. Don't believe them at face value, but follow the flow and watch where they lead you.”
– My therapist -
“Hakuna Matata”
– Pumba, just making sure this works